Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
French couple claims to have found 271 unknown Picassos. Suspiciously, one of them is "Still Life with McRib." 
wants to give someone jello and chopsticks and then sit back and watch the show!
text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."
Nowadays, when I bend down to pick something off the floor, I think to myself, "What else can I do while I'm down here? 'Cuz I ain't making too many more trips."
just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it
would be serving a dime if being fine was a crime
If I play a blank tape with the volume turned up, will the mime next door go nuts?
A fine head of hair adds beauty to a good face, and terror to an ugly one.
If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.
There is no I in team, but there are four in platitude-quoting idiot
I have finally been diagnosed...!!! I have a serious condition known as "Awesomeness" but don't worry, none of you can get it because its not contagious!!! ;)
thinking they should make a road paving company called Good Intentions.
I just tried turning the volume up on my computer using the TV remote.... I think I need to question the state of my mental health 0.o
A boomerang is a Frisbee for lonely kids.
Don't get chased by your past. Your future always catches up.
Why is it the people who talk the MOST, always seem to say the LEAST?!?
One should always be in love, this is the reason one should never marry
Saw the mystery machine from Scooby Doo driving on the highway. Is this real life?
suppose evolution is true,a million years from now we'll have oil producing fish. 