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When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you. 
.569 seconds...the amount of time it takes me to get away from a spider.
Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy!"
just ripped a hole in my American Eagle jeans. I'd be mad but I think they just went up in value..
Nothing screams "I don't care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
Sometimes I think that life is one big test...and I'm in the wrong classroom.
We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
I bet Bin laden now reqrets letting his Facebook "Check In" at his current location
bin Laden's last words..."hey, did you hear your Iphone is secretly tracking where you are, crazy right?"
saw another of those adverts telling me to send my gold in an envelope addressed to Cash for Gold...... Sorry, but I just don't trust my postman that much.
Alcohol kills slowly...So what? Who's in a hurry?
I feel like when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumbass over here?"
If I text with "Almost there!" I haven't left yet.
I'd like to thank my ex for making me see how I shouldn't be treated
My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.
Theoretically if China went to the moon and knocked over our flag what would we do about it
The election has been over nearly 2 weeks and this krap is still going on. Get back to the funny!
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn't."
The label says "Alcohol may intensify the effects of this medication." My question is, is this a warning or a suggestion?
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