Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
wondering why is your full attention on my status bar. To late your caught already. 
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
spending a day on facebook has once again fooled me into believing I have an actual social life.
You never see the bad days in a photo album but it's those days that get us from one happy snapshot to the next.
received a drinking game for Christmas from the woman that used to be my therapist. She told me once I had a drinking problem… Job Security maybe?
Why is it the windshield washer sprayer only freezes over when you most need it?
Was told I am a naive realist...from what I can see they are wrong
"my #1 New Year's Resolution is to make sure that my New Year's Resolution list does NOT expire in about a month.."
The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.
"Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."
if the olympics had a gold medal for procastination...i'd probably win it...but i'd go recieve it later ;)
Wow was that Griswold family driving down the wrong lane into oncoming traffic driving the Wagon Queen Family Truckster on 95 yesterday
I got to get my life on track if I still expect Elton John to change the lyrics of "Candle in the Wind" for me.
They don't surprise the winner of the Retirement Home's Man of the year anymore.... That's how they lost last year's winner
so jobless that he's replying every spam message
thanking Don Cornelius for startting off Black History Month with a bang.
just watched Whitney Houston's funeral on DVR... is it just me, or did her performance seem a bit stiff?
So for everyone planning on drinking and then driving tonight- Do me a favor please. Go full speed, no seatbelt, and hit the first pole, tree or wall you see. Kill yourself, not an innocent child or someone who doesnt need to drink to have a good
How am I suppose to know that you're happy and you know it if you don't clap your hands?
- If round pegs fit in round holes, and square pegs fit in square holes, why isnt my c*ck shaped like an axe? 