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heard that frank Drebin died today. It couldnt have been Nordberg that killed him because OJ doesnt kill people 
i hate to love, I love to hate...
welcome to my happy place... now get your sh*t and leave!
secretly wishes Michael had gone ahead and body-slammed Ryan Seacrest last night.
Darn allergy season.. I'm getting really good at the sneezenpee dance today!
I don't fear dating a younger woman, it's her father and his shotgun I have problems with.
Had a conference today with my child's teacher regarding her C in Grammar. During our conference, her teacher totally said "funner". ha ha.
I am so abjective... I verb nouns.
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
Bought a pair of pajamas with pockets. Thank God, cause she use to have hold everything while she slept.
:Dear "I just naturally don't need deodorant" People, Yes...yes you absolutely do. Sincerely, People Who Don't Smell Like Homeless Taint
I'm sorry I hurt your felling when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
I wish that some people would realize that talking isn't necessary.
You make me want to be a better drinker.
Body Shots: There's a slut for that.
<--heading to Wal-Mart and counting camel-toes!!!
I have discovered that when you give people advice through the medium of interpretive dance, they quickly regret asking you for it, and go away.
If you want to drink all day, you've got to start in the morning.
Even though the little kid was having a tantrum, his mom was unphased. "You might as well give up on the crying," I heard her say as she led him to the store exit. "You're stuck with me for 18 years."
Breaking News: George Lucas marries longtime girlfriend... Finds out later she is his sister. 