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JOser Funny Status Messages
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Page: 31 of 41
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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04-06-2010 20:07 by
Joser
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The attack on the Pope was really his own fault. After all he was wearing Axe Body Spray.
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04-16-2010 14:41 by
Joser
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I should really turn my cell phone's voice recognition dialing off. I accidentally called Jesus Christ 24 times today. He's getting pissed...
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04-29-2010 16:51 by
Joser
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Who's the genius that gave the police sirens?
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07-10-2010 17:29 by
Joser
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put the bom in the bom sha-bom bom, but lays no claim to the ram in the ramalama ding dong.
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06-08-2010 19:22 by
Joser
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I'd consider being a farmer. As long as I could live on the Pepperidge Farm, and raise Milanos.
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06-10-2010 18:45 by
Joser
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What kind of troopers does the Empire use when it's nice out?
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06-16-2010 17:54 by
Joser
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2
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Try to keep your mind out of the gutter. Your body, too.
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06-23-2010 18:28 by
Joser
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Everybody hates me because I'm so universally well-liked...
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04-22-2010 19:19 by
Joser
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today I : 1. asked old people for directions and deliberately walked the opposite way... 2. asked very obese people which gym they used...
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06-02-2010 16:57 by
Joser
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If you get mad at someone and push them down the stairs make sure it's the DOWN escalator...or you'll be there all day.
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04-28-2010 18:15 by
Joser
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ME: So you're a drug dealer, huh? HER: It's called a pharmacist. ME: Oh, I get it. It's like how you can't say "bong" in a head shop, right?
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05-10-2010 13:58 by
Joser
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The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
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07-11-2010 11:55 by
Joser
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all for the paperless office, but doesn't think it should stretch to the toilets...
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04-22-2010 19:38 by
Joser
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Hearses are so depressing. I'd like my casket transported via segway.
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07-05-2010 13:38 by
Joser
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I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code
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03-23-2010 19:55 by
Joser
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I'd rather be late in this world than early in the next.
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06-11-2010 18:09 by
Joser
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0
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today is 4-20! ...like I had to tell you... sit back .relax. and show some love :)
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04-20-2010 12:45 by
Joser
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My neighbor just got one of those expensive new invisible fences. What a dumb@ss, I can still see him.
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07-13-2010 20:00 by
Joser
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hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye
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07-12-2010 19:49 by
Joser
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