BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Everything seems louder when you're trying not to wake your parents

   I only want two things in life: 1. Lose weight 2. Eat. 

   It's cute when they put expiration dates on snacks like I won't eat them as soon as I get to my car.

   Don't stand too close to the heater honey, plastic melts

   Regreting is only a waste of time. if something happened,accept that it happened and there is nothing that can be done to change it.just be happy that it is not yet the end of the world.

   I don't know if my stomach is growling cuz I'm hungry or if that's my liver crying cuz it's the weekend.

   Ladies If it takes you more than a hour to get ready, then you aren't as cute as you think you are

   Hand Sanitizer... the best way to find invisible cuts for over 10 years now!

   If you see a profile pic with 1 fat girl and 1 pretty girl and can't figure out who's profile it is, make no mistakes… it's the fat one's.

   Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison

   How do you know Asians robbed your house? Your cat's gone, your homework's done, and they're still backing out of the driveway.

   Drunk people run stop signs. High people wait for them to turn green.

   Facebook is like school. There's the cool kids, the intellectual rebels, and there's always a rumor going on.

   Alcohol doesn't cause Hangovers...Waking up does...

   Hey girl with 40,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the f$ck up.

   Don’t you wish karma was like pizza and could be delivered in under 30 minutes?

   I'd rather watch highlights from a WNBA game than listen to ESPN talk about Johnny Manziel and A-Rod again.

   Relationships don't need promises, terms, and conditions. It just needs two wonderful people; one who can trust and one who can understand.

   Insanity is doing the same thing over & over again & expecting different results. In other words, I just logged into Facebook.

   I don't leave voicemails because I know they aren't listened to. Yet, if someone calls me and doesn't leave one, my first thought is that it wasn't important enough for me to call them back.