flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
←Rate | 08-09-2012 09:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The courthouse is a really great place to see people with neck tattoos wearing ties.
←Rate | 10-01-2011 05:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says 'I dont take you seriously' like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
←Rate | 01-26-2013 13:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
←Rate | 07-11-2014 05:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who say "No, and here's why..." need to realize that we stopped listening after the "no" part.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 11:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
←Rate | 05-26-2013 08:10 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon Hey Subway, just make everything 5 dollars forever and shut the hell up.
←Rate | 10-31-2011 05:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every great man is a great woman telling him he's not as great as he thinks he is.
←Rate | 01-21-2012 10:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.
←Rate | 05-12-2013 07:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
←Rate | 02-28-2012 10:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fax? You're sending me something via fax? What is it, an important document from 1993?
←Rate | 03-30-2012 09:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Glad my work doesn't do drug tests cause everyone would find out I'm a loser who doesn't party
←Rate | 11-19-2011 09:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people who need firecracker safety tips aren't the people who read firecracker safety tips.
←Rate | 07-03-2012 06:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust a homeless guy selling homemade lemonade, just saying.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 05:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't seem to find Funkytown on Google Maps.
←Rate | 05-18-2012 08:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a bathroom tile salesman, my pitch would be "Think of how great this will look in the background of your social networking pics."
←Rate | 11-12-2011 06:09 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I was a cab driver I'd yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn't be telling you this"
←Rate | 11-19-2012 06:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought when people lie to me their pants were supposed to catch on fire. Turns out that's a lie also. Trust no one.
←Rate | 05-05-2012 05:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook was the most searched term on Google last month. If you need Google to find Facebook, you shouldn't be using the internet.
←Rate | 07-18-2011 17:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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