Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I'm not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you're thinking. 
I'm trying to learn yoga.....I'm pretty sure that I have the "Moron lying on his ass" move perfected
you're only real job as a father is to keep your daughter off the pole
According to some magazine, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it...
Now that I've grown, I've realized that all the "cool" parents were actually just bad parents.
would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
approached a woman at the bar last night and asked her what she is looking for in a relationship. She yelled, "Security".
Next time you're in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
Don't you just hate it when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
I invented a new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.. Please don't buy it.
To all the people that think the world ends December 21 2012, you can stop using condoms this month
Stop trying to make small talk with me in an elevator. It's 2013, .... Stare at your phone like a normal person.
Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
According to my sidebar ads, I am a fat lesbian who needs a new Honda.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that's my stuff!"?
Why the f$ck are you driving under the speed limit when you were in such a hurry to pull out in front of me?
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
A man in Florida has been sentenced to six months in prison for stockpiling weapons at a compound just 11 miles from Disney World. Eleven miles from Disney World? So . . . in the parking lot?
Nice try speed bumps, it's a rental. 