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Just bought some of that new Pelosi Vodka at the Liquor Store. It has no proof, either. 
Hillary Clinton was caught telling the truth today.... April Fools!
Marijuana IS a gateway drug.. It leads to sweatpants and Cheetos.
"H3y what r yhu dooinq?" ... About to throw a dictionary at your face.
Call it whatever you want... I'm still calling the Hummer H2, "The Douche Bag Container."
why is Betty White singing at halftime of the Super Bowl??
Get your facts right you big dummy: John F Kennedy was born in May 1917 and passed away in 1963. Do the math correctlyly.
anyone else confuse the time with the radio station? sometimes I think I'm running late cause its already 105.9
Just called the police on my GF, not for a crime, I just want them to remind her she has the right to remain silent
A guy who takes his wife swimming at a shark infested beach when it's that time of the month has a hidden agenda.
"What have I done?!! Everybody run!!" -Inventor of the boomerang
I have come to the conclusion that Google must be female, as she has the answer to everything and Yahoo is a Male , pointless and never works ..
There's a reason Congress begins with the word con. Con is the oppsosite of pro, so Congress must be the opposite of progress.
My mum told me once that she judges how good a film is by the number of tissues she gets through....funny really, I have the same system
Wish Adam would have spent more than just a rib.....
Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”
I've never seen Scarface, but I have quoted the "little friend" line at some really inappropriate times.
discovered today that goldfish do not like jello.
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened to someone else and you have the photos you can upload and tag them in on Facebook.
The hardest question of the weekend...can or bottle? 