Funny Status Messages

   Maybe if they turned the economy off and then turned it back on it might run better. Works for my computer.

   2011 Pick Up Lines: "I have a full tank of gas."

   "Frosted Mini Wheats" are my absolute FAVORITE breakfast cereal made from scrap wicker furniture.

   Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.

   Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.

   If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what's the first thing you'd buy?

   Thank you Pringles® for being the only chip company that doesn't sell air.

   Happy Thanksgiving America ! from a Canadian :)

   I might not be a great example, but I'm one hell of a good warning....

   examining one of his patients. Took the husband aside and said: Your wife doesn't look too good. Husband said: I know but she's got an awesome personality...

   There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes......how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?

   Someone came up to me and said get a life...I punched them in the face and said get a helmet.

   Honestly, when I crawled out of bed this morning I had no intention of being brilliant, but sometimes things just work out!

   87x/59(1 x)=(18*7x)*(67-x).....f*ck this, I'm going to be a stripper.

   Following a successful off-season surgery, Favre appears ready to return for his 20th NFL season.... lobotomies must heal fairly quickly.

   Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends' profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I'm jelly" "sexy much?!"

   If you really want to get to know someone, start arguing with them.

   Lady GAGA was at the VMAs covered in meat. Now she's at the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets and Gaga will be a Denny's Grand Slam.

   "Just kidding" is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.

   Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.