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there, Ebay password changed........Forgot it already! 
If you see a porcupine in your yard don't panic, it's just my cat and we're not done with our acupuncture session.
If I've learned anything from the Kardashians... it's that I shouldn't let my complete lack of talent hold me back. Now who wants to make some porn. . .
Energetic people who say "I'll sleep when I'm dead", are already dead to me.
They should line rock bottom with bubble wrap.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won't have to talk to them.
You make me want to be a drunker person
You had me at "what does wrong hole mean"?
Once upon a time, I used to care what people said about me.
Must be giraffe hunting season or something ....
Pretty sure my dog would make a horrible astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare her
New Rule: If it fits in a handbag it's not a dog
“First time caller, long time listener”—Alexander Graham Bell
Kim Kardashian announced that she and Kanye West are expecting their second child. They say they don’t care whether it’s a boy or girl just as long as it’s famou
Having watched the entire season of a show before me doesn't make you better than me, it makes you more unemployed than me
So 50 Cent is all he's worth now?
A search party sounds like a fun way to look for someone.
One day...Ima log onto social media and not see anything Kardashian/Jenner related. One day..
I have come to the conclusion that all women are bipolar. Thats the only sensible explanation.
I didn't sign up for the 401K at work. There is no way I can run that far in the shape I'm in. 