Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
There's an evil intention behind every gallon of gas. 
It was earth hour last night at 8:30. I turned everything off for an hour, couldn't see a damn thing...so I built a tire fire for some light. Still trying to put it out.
Hey ladies, if you are looking for a tough, manly boyfriend, then that DEFINITELY wasn't me that ran screaming down the hall when I walked into that spider web... I swear.
That uneasy moment when you ask a midget what they want to be when they grow up.
Looking forward to Egg Salad Monday.
wondering why in the year 2012 , My smoke detector can't decipher the difference between boiling water and and a real fire !
Only your iphone knows who cheats
The only difference between me and much of the rest of the world is that I admit I'm crazy, whereas they are in denial.
From every setback, I make a major comeback.
"Ho ho ho" would be more appropriate as a Halloween greeting.
My printer is louder than the original printing press.
Girls Theory “Listen Half, Understand Quarter, Think Zero & React DOUBLE”
Congrats to Jack In The Box on their new bacon malt beverage...I'm guessing that one milkshake that WON'T bring "boys to the yard".
Had a long phone conversation with an old friend. He simply wouldn't shut up about phones. Finally had to just walk away.
Whoever named it a "mobile" phone obviously didn't anticipate me spending the day on the couch covered in crumbs reading Twitter.
Feel I could meet the woman of my dreams today. Hopefully not the one from the dream where I'm being shot at by a lady dressed as a clown.
I found a new family, will give my family two weeks notice today.
Sorry V̶a̶l̶e̶n̶t̶i̶n̶e̶sD̶a̶y̶. It's Champions League Time!
When are they going to air the commercial where the recipient of a car in a giant ribbon says, “A LEXUS! We can't afford this, you idiot.”?
I'm not actually dangerously unbalanced. At most, I'm gracefully insane. I wouldn't have it any other way 