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I don't understand why they call them men's dress shoes because they don't go with any of my dresses. 
has anyone seen ___________? He heard "Its Raining Men" on the radio and he ran outside with a huge grin on his face.
Capsule used to rescue Chilean miners is now a prototype for all new coach seats on all US domestic flights....
your actions don't have a backspace button, choose them wisely
thinks some women end up getting excited over nothing... then they end up marrying him
There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.
anger is only one letter short of danger
Its funny how Listen and Silent are spelled with the same letters
if everyone looked like their celebrity doppelganger and really matched their urbandictionary meaning, I could eat butterflies and poop rainbows.
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything
watching the Time Traveler's Wife with my Wife. We Both Cried at the End. But We Both Cried for Different Reasons!"
Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
In video games I always get killed by the black zombies, and I can't shoot 'em because of the r acism thing.
Of course Russia was evil,,, They sent a dog up into space,,,,,, Everyone Knows that dogs HATE vacuums
It's a a romantic hotel hideaway. Until someone has to poo.
Man that wind is really blowing hard out. I seen a chicken lay the same egg three times..
Keep Calm and....and who am I kidding just Kick Ass!
Halo 4 comes out on election day? I hope my wife tells me who won the election....i'll be busy for the next week or so!
Marry the person who makes you forget about Facebook and thank them for saving your life.
When I need you, I just close my eyes and down some painkillers with a glass of wine - and suddenly I don`t need you anymore. 