Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Earlier, I recieved a chain mail message that said that if I don't forward it to 50 people within 3 hours of reading it, a little dead girl will appear next to my bed at midnight. I haven't sent the message on to anyone. Looks like I'm getting laid tonigh 
The Wife has just just had her teeth whitened, although, to be honest, most of it landed on her chin.
thinks it is hilarious that the Wall St. protestors hate big corporations, wearing their GAP jeans, taking pictures with their Motorola camera phones, and drinking from Dasani water bottles.
If I see one more girl create a Facebook profile for her unborn child, I will not hesitate to make a profile as a coat hanger and poke it
I'm pretty sure the Mayans just got tired of writing that calendar
sometimes your the windshield; sometimes your the bug.
Cop: "Sir, what's in the bottle next to you? Me: "It's water" Cop: "Sir, this is wine" Me: "What? Damn Jesus! He always plays this prank on me!"
never fakes it!
( . ,)-(__ --> __)===] So, I just planked on fb. Game over. I win. :)
Wish I could change my relationship status to "batteries dead" LOL
Just change the name of my ipod to The Titanic. So whenever I plug it in to my computer it says the titanic is syncing.
69 - Some may call it nasty but I call it a romantic dinner for 2.
The sexual position, more commonly known as 69 will now be known as 96. Due to the economy, it now costs more to eat out than it used to
Sometimes, I drive by the schoolyard and scream "STOP WASTING YOUR TIME!" to white kids playing basketball.
My computer asks "Delete cookies?" Cookie Monster pounds on my door, shouting, "NOOOO! KEEP COOKIES!"
I used to see this girl across the road from me. She would get naked for me each morning it was great. But now she closes her curtains.
Apparently, "Press 1 for English" is now code for "Transfer me to someone in India who can fuc k this up for you in a big way"
found the secret to life via this mathematical formula. To calculate, enter the following in Google: exp((-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2))/1000)+exp((-(((x+4)^2+(y+4)^2)^2))/1000)+0.15*exp(-(((x+4)^2+(y+ 4)^2)^2))+0.15*exp(-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2
You really cant blame Bill for cheating... The only thing I want to stick in Hillary is the claw end of a hammer.
found Wonka's last golden ticket! 