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it is so cold outside, that even the guy at the gas station had a towel on his head! 
I saw a woman about to jump off a cliff. “You want to have sex first”, I said. She said, “no” so I said “OK, I’ll wait for you at the bottom!”
I always assume girls who wear ponytails love sucking d*ck. (I assume the same about guys with ponytails as well)
I expect Obama to name himself the new Pope soon.....
I have been on hold for the past ten minutes!! If I ever find the guy who invented automated telephone systems, I'm going to give him a choice - Press 1 to be kicked in the nuts, Press 2 to burst into flames and die or Press 3 to go to hell.
....MMmmm Santa, I'm so naughty I'll turn your HO HO HO into OH OH OH!!
"used to have superpowers, but hisher therapist took them away. "
wondering why its called a search party....
I use to LOOOOOVEEE kissing................until I got some head
celebrating black history month by watching re-runs of THE FIRST 48....
A real woman does not have a "wrong hole".
Presidents Day was a whole lot more fun back before the Great Election of 2008
running out of places to hide the bodies...
Schizophrenic, and so am I.
People say that love is in every corner I must be walking in circles!
Yeah, yeah the Greeks "invented" sex. But we Italians introduced it to women.
A sign outside a brothel… “Married men are not allowed, we are here to serve the needy not the greedy.”
not my name
I ain't voting for Monica Lewinskys ex-boyfriends wife.
Your Fat! and I'm not gonna sugar coat it cause you will eat that too!!! 