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WIFE: Honey, before we got married, you used to buy me expensive gifts and take me out for dinner and now you don't. Why is that? HUSBAND: B!tch please! Have you ever seen a fisherman giving worms to a fish he has already caught? 
At least I can sleep at night knowing the best person won the election.
When a person gets a dui and kills people we blame the person.. when a person blows up a building we blame that person.. when there is a mass shooting we blame the gun lmao
Go to Google Translate and translate from German to German. Paste this into the box "pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpvpvzk kkkkk bsch" Click Listen!
Never Ever Ever Play leap Frog with A Unicorn
radiating a glow of pure awesomeness
I bet you didn't know that women can get b o n e r s...True story... They get them right in their mouth.
Fellas: Make sure you always treat the women in your life with respect and dignity. From your grandmother, mother, sister to your girlfriend or wife, because a woman never forgets how you treat her.
two people away from a threesome
just risked a car accident to type this
You did WHAT?? With WHO?? Behind WHAT barn?? For how many COOKIES!?!?
Apple Bottom Jeans,Turban With The Fur,Got The Whole Mosque Looking At Her....
girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
Westly Snipes should have never gone to prison for a misdemeanor convection! How about locking up some of the bankers who crashed the economy?
If the U.S. decides to strike Syria because they used chemical weapons on their own people, I suggest we launch a few Patriot missles on Monsanto for doing the same thing to us.
I can't believe I missed the Breaking Bad finale. And, every other single episode...
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat'. You probably saw our posters.
ladies, is your computer running slow? There's a simple fix: PUT OUT MORE! Your man is downloading too much porn!
You are too blessed to be stressed, depressed or dealing with mess. Never suppress your success, instead profess your progress. Then sit back and let the HATERS obsess to excess over what you possess...more or less. And now I digress.
Ale-Ale-Andro, Judas, Juda-ah-ah, Pa-Pa-Pa-Pokerface, Te-Te-Te-Telephone... I think lady gaga has a studdering problem. 