Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I really don't feel like "occasionally" stirring this 
Even if you are not a zombie tomorrow, I'm still going out of my way to smash your face
Sam and Dean stopped the rapture!
Bank of America puts the "fun" in overfunded bailout money receivers.
When one of us goes down, the rest of us need to come and pick that person up.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can't wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie 5% - that's was a complete waste of money 85% - I gotta pee.
Ask.com is useless.... they have no idea where I put the remote either.
There is no point in fighting with an a$$hole. Trust me, they’ve had a lot more practice defending themselves than you.
It must be nice for boring people, they can just think themselves to sleep.
If you stole a cigarette from your dad and he made you smoke a whole pack while he watched, I hope he never caught you stealing a Playboy.
Sorry hitchhiker dude. You have a better chance getting a ride from a deer.
I really hope my fantasy football teams do well this year.... I need a resume booster.
Sometimes I drink water, just to surprise my liver.
I'm horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
I don't wait well.
I’m beginning to get disillusioned....the scotch tape doesn’t taste like scotch...there is no popcorn in popcorn chicken and this avocado exfoliating mask tastes like crap in the guacamole I just made.....I guess I’ll go try some hash browns....
Slowly step away from the bacon and no one gets hurt...
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
According to a recent study, cockroaches can resist radiation, extreme temperatures, the apocalypse and 6 hours of Justin Bieber songs.
Christmas Schmistmas....March features the greatest holiday of the year. Any festivity that centers itself around getting drunk on beer, and stuffed on a big hunk of beef soaked in brine wins my vote. 