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uh excuse me, I'm just here looking for the Democratic Restroom. 
I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out
Women spend their whole lives thinking they are fat when they are perfect. Men spend their lives thinking they are perfect even when they are Fat !
Dr. Fauci said we must limit stores to 10 looters at a time.
what number do I text my ten votes to??
I'd only consider running at night because frankly I'd rather be found dead in a ditch than have anybody see me running.
Hahahaha!!! Pour me some more Champagne! Fuck!n' A! WOO HOO! YAY! YAY! ~Little Debbie
I am as messed up as the alphabetical order on a keyboard.
Instead of getting married, I'm just gonna cut through all the other stuff and just buy someone I hate a house, and give them half my stuff.
It's not my fault….you had dimples.
The recent break up of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez has left a void in my list of things I don't give a toot about.
I don't know how many girls it takes to change a light-bulb but I guarantee you they'd post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
If being romantic means at least I didn't set you on fire then yes, I'm romantic.
There aren't choking warning labels on condoms but they have them on water balloons?
My workout video is just a 15 minute clip of me dodging my boss around the office.
If at first you don't succeed, try drinking wine while doing it. You'll be amazed at how much less you care.
"Trust Me When I say Anyone can DANCE!!!!!" - Jack Daniels
Always be sure to keep a good Facebook profile picture.This will be the photo plastered allover the news when something goes horribly wrong.
Kept making the same mistakes in life, so I call them traditions now.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don't have mixed tapes anymore? 