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Why don't guys ever suck at singing? It's either good enough or surprisingly great. Of the girls I know, maybe two are amazing, the rest of us sound like drunken seagulls, and there's always one who can only be described as a serial ear murderer. 
If my blood alcohol was Butler's shooting percentage, I could legally drive.
wishes the movie concession stand would give her enough snacks to last after the trailers are over...
Micheal C Hall just got done filming his 6 season of Dexter in Pakistan.coincidence?
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices..
they search for years and spend millions of dollars looking for Osama, and where was he? At home hiding behind his wife!
This just in... OJ Found not quilty... Oh wait...
The mad dog of the Middle East is now the stray dog of Hell's streets.
Great news for YOU , I found a prostitute that charges by the inch, I obviusly can't afford her but I figured I'd pass it onto you so you could enjoy a cheap night out
I wanted to save my children some money down the road so I already purchased my headstone for the cemetery. It reads "I'm not dead yet."
If you suddenly find yourself unable to access some parts of my Facebook page, don't panic, it just means I have quarantined and placed your stalkin' a$$ on the RESTRICTED list. Thanks Facebook for this great new tool.
I had my family tree done… turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.
Before Facebook, I used to be stupid in the confines and privacy of my own mind.
I come up with all my best ideas when I'm drunk.
Its funny how some people can talk crap behind your back and then act like they got your back when they see you.
You don't need a parachute to skydive......unless you want to do it again.
Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy, men have to deal with women. It's all about balance.
I reviewed the statistics, crunched some numbers and calculated the risk and discovered that the chances of me get ran over while sitting on my couch are far less than they are when I am jogging. I must be lazy for my wellbeing.......
Any good lawyers out there? I just found out that some broad named E.L. James is using me and my life as the inspiration for the main male character in some book she has out, without asking me for permission or giving me any of the proceeds. I'm outraged
I come from a long line of people waiting to get in. 