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A lot of people look up to me.....it's nice being tall. 
My Korean mate was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner........But someone let the cat out of the bag
Ok my Guardian Angel, if you're out there, and if you're listening.. Please listen to this one: "I want to keep her, for life"
wondering if its cool in China to get English words tattooed on their arms?
Coffee so black the police plant evidence on it.
Pays bills....... *Bank turns off debit card for suspicious activity
I wonder if Dr. Huxtable wrote his own prescriptions for roofies?
Just because someone is "woke, it doesn't mean they're sentient.
Hillary Clinton was Diagnosed on Friday with Highly Contagious Bacterial Pneumonia and has been out in public all weekend! Is there something about the words "Highly Contagious" that she and her "Doctors" don't understand? Well that's ObamaCare For ya!
I thought about buying Hillary Clinton's latest book until Amazon suggested that people who bought this item also bought boots, plastic sheeting, lye, and shovels
Valentines Day, Aint nobody got time for that!
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Got a paper cut and didn't cry this time...Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!
I may be dumb, but at least I'm not …wait, what was I talking about?
Letsh Have Shex! - Horny Sean Connery
A cop stopped me and said "License please" so I offered him a donut and said "I donut have one" and we laughed and laughed and now I am behind bars.
Jim H. kids: Dad, can we go to Disney World with Uncle Joe?
My wife was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder… And, just my luck, not one of them likes sucking còk.
as I'm getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who's staying on and say,, “You're in charge while I'm gone.” 