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Life Coach: Get out there and show the world what you’re made of! Gingerbread Man: Not sure that’s a good idea. 
[Restaurant] Waiter: Sir would you care to choose your lobster? Me: There’s only 1 in the tank & he’s holding a sign that says ‘I have a family’
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that's just science.
New study finds that everyone you disagree with is are stupid.
The Mannaquin Challenge isn't new. Some of you have been standing around doing nothing your whole lives.....
Well,,, We are Definitely not getting our security deposit back for this planet.
Antarctica called. It wants it's weather back.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who didn't get an answer to the question you didn't hear her ask from upstairs
Generic Frosted Flakes are Oooooooookay!
I'm sure the mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
A man in a bar sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He says to her, "nice legs." She says "you realy think so?" The man says "oh yeah, most tables would have collapsed by now."
Y’all ever inhale a dog's fart and think “this is it, this is how I die.”
I went to see a chiropractor. It was about a week back.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, so who the hell are you?
I think we have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving...
Women are strange creatures. My wife just told me that I needed to do some soul searching…..... so I Googled James Brown.
Breaking news: Mail order brides from China are now up to 75% off!
April Fools Day is a good day to confess your love to your crush. That way you can save face and say "April Fools!" if they reject you.
I've got 2 tickets to paradise and it's closed due to Covid. FML 