Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Just woke up. Ice cream melted. Not sure where I am. Smells like basement. 
Camping. Camping? Listen up Mr. and Mrs.Field and Stream...My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6 with no cable.
Sadly there comes a day in every Father/Son Relationship where your son asserts himself by simply saying "No thank you" when you say "Pull my finger".
Does this status update make me look fat?
Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
There's a new way to transfer funds that's even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
I am that little chocolate you find when you least expect it and need it the most!!
Sometimes, in order to get a clearer picture of things, you must take a few steps back.
Making love is like making pancakes. When done on one side, flip over to finish.
Where did you learn how to whisper? In a damn helicopter? Geeez
Making love is an art form and there is always some guy who doesn't know how to use his paintbrush. And there is always some girl whose canvas has had one too many brushstrokes.
vodka does for me what spinach does for Popeye.
My G.P.S...Does not know ..how to get to Sesame Street,,,??
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
Problem: Always get stuck next to obnoxious drunk guy on plane. Solution: Be obnoxious drunk guy on plane.
you can add "Found and killed Bin Laden" to the list of things that have happened since the Cubs last won the World Series!!!
Leadership: The art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.
I'm going back to traffic school to get my Masters.
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
with all the engineers trying to stop the leak in the gulf, has anyone tried to contact someone with some basic plumbing skills??? 