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just heard that LITTLE TWIT Justin Bieber say "yo dawg" during an interview.. WTF !! When is his 15min gonna be up? 
Female drivers: The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.
just heard that today singer Ricky Martin came out as gay. In other surprising news:President Obama is black, the economy stinks and cigarettes are bad for you...
an undiscovered comedy genius
Can't we all just get abong?
I just got my pen!s caught in my zipper,,,,,,,,,,, I knew I shouldn't have bought those zip up shoes.
Nothing sums up the proud Mexican spirit on their Independence Day like drunk college girls in sombreros screaming for more Patron!
running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
Apparently this Victoria's Secret catalog isn't scratch-n-sniff.
God made us plain and simple, but we have made ourselves complicated and difficult.
No Cyndi Lauper...you're so very wrong. Girls don't just wanna have fun...they want a whole lotta sh!t. Christmas blows. Sincerely - A broke boyfriend.
Oceans, largest to smallest: Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Southern, Arctic, Billy.
It just baffles me that bacon is not legal tender yet.
If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my azz .
I wonder if butterflies get humans in their stomach when they're anxious?
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless!
I miss the 1980s when cell phones were big enough to cover your face if you saw someone you knew walking toward you.
Don't be alarmed if you see a man with his arm up a horses a$$ in Amish Country, He's just their mechanic
One way to piss a Twilight fan off is to plainly tell them it's about a Sick Girl struggling to choose between her fetish for the dead and her weird thing for animals. 