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Page: 26 of 33
I pretended to work all day while dreaming about big boobs
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10-23-2011 19:57 by
flinnie
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When you get angry start counting to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that.
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04-27-2012 05:56 by
flinnie
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Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because NO ONE IS HITTING SNOOZE WHEN THEY HEAR THAT
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03-15-2014 06:35 by
flinnie
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The worst part about getting a monogrammed sweater for Christmas is having to find someone with your initials to regift the thing to
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12-23-2011 09:02 by
flinnie
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Prince and Sheena Easton never did tell us who won the World Series of love.
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02-18-2012 06:22 by
flinnie
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We can only heal as a nation, once we acknowledge that Morris Day and the Time were robbed in the battle of the bands in Purple Rain.
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05-24-2012 09:54 by
flinnie
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Don't tell secrets near a grape vine.
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09-11-2012 06:27 by
flinnie
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Auditioning for Animal Planet's new series, "I Shouldn't Be Awake."
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10-15-2012 06:17 by
flinnie
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We get it, London, you're better at rioting than Vancouver, you can stop now.
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08-11-2011 01:55 by
flinnie
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I wish I was as dedicated to anything as much as I am to using movie lines in everyday conversation
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06-16-2011 05:52 by
flinnie
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My father taught me a lot of things, however, the most important thing he taught me was how to be a great dad. A close second is how to have a conversation with someone for a half an hour even though you can't remember their name or anything else
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06-19-2011 06:04 by
flinnie
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When we set our clocks back, will that effect "Hammer Time"?
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09-26-2011 10:19 by
flinnie
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Florida, you just want attention don't you? Casey Anthony, Tim Tebow, the election of 2000. Its always about you, isn't it?
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07-06-2011 13:26 by
flinnie
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Just once in my life I want to kick someone out of my office by saying "I said good day sir!" I suppose I'd need an office first.
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08-04-2011 03:54 by
flinnie
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People on morning radio shows find everything so much funnier than I do.
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08-20-2011 06:14 by
flinnie
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The side effects of the medicine I'm on include nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, repeating things four times & difficulty adding.
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04-18-2012 09:02 by
flinnie
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I need a volunteer to make sure when I die, my obituary reads: he laid down that boogie and played that funky music til he died.
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02-08-2013 06:24 by
flinnie
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My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
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09-18-2012 09:40 by
flinnie
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They should let the guy who named a group of crows a "murder" name more stuff.
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10-16-2011 19:47 by
flinnie
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As soon as women see me, they want to get in shape to impress me. So they start running.
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02-27-2012 09:02 by
flinnie
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