bego Funny Status Messages

   Ladies, Put your boobs back in your shirt, smile instead of doing that duck face and put your middle finger down. Have some self-respect.

   That lonely moment when the only text message you get all day is from your cell phone company..

   ❒Taken ❒Single ✔ Dont care anymore

   This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China..

   Shout out to all the girls that got pregnant last night and don't know it yet

   Common sense is like deodorant... The people who need it most never use it.

   75% of my regrets involve hitting "send".

   Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids.

   The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

   The Big Mac doesn’t look anything like the ones in the ads… Same goes with people and Facebook profile pics.

   I sent a Facebook friend request to the girl who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from her house.

   Ladies, If you would simply make your Facebook profile pic a bikini shot, it would save me a lot of awkward stalking time.

   Liking" a picture at 2AM on Facebook is more like "I would LIKE to have sex with you.

   A rumor goes in one ear and then out of many mouths.

   You're the one who posted over a thousand pictures of yourself on-line, why does looking at them make me the weird one?

   Who wants to put on a bear costume and tear apart the tents of people camping outside a Best Buy for Black Friday?

   “Who is this I just got a new phone?” Really means I didn’t bother to store your number because you aren’t that important.

   People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.

   Lazy Rules #1:The farther away the remote is, the more you like what's already on TV.

   Facebook says we're 'friends' ,but trust me, I wouldn't hesitate to kick you in the teeth.