flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I'd be 100 % more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.

   I wonder how long I'd be on hold if my call wasn't important to them..

   LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.

   Never trust an Avon lady who doesn't wear any makeup. The whole thing is probably a front for her organ-harvesting business.

   How many times of day can you worry about being pecked to death by a flock of seagulls before it finally comes true?

   The bare toilet paper tube next to my open lap top tells you all you need to know about last night.

   Rap is what happens when you can't hold your bragging inside anymore.

   Last New Year's, people promised me that 2011 would be MY year. Those people are liars and are no longer my life coaches

   I invented four new karate moves while trying to get an automatic paper towel dispenser to work

   My mind likes to mess with me just before sleeping. Last night I wondered what if dolls contained lost souls. Sitting there, watching, waiting, thinking....Dolls

   All grocery store bathrooms are required by law to look like the set of one of the "Saw" movies.

   So far, my resolution to teach the dog Tai Chi is much more difficult than you would think.

   Nobody knows the person you no longer want to be like your family.

   I don't have regrets, I have times I was "just bein' Miley."

   When I can't get an automatic faucet to turn on, I achieve a whole new level of low self esteem.

   If I ever write thanks as thx you have full permission to smack me.

   If you want to see how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they're already mad.

   If every nerd donated a dollar toward construction of a Millenium Falcon, we'd all be making the Kessel Run by May.

   Just once I'd like to read that someone died after a long battle with goblins or trolls.

   It would be much easier to get around town, if the highway wasn't jammed with broken heroes, on a last chance power drive.