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dirty litte mind is on Active Duty today 
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
The hardest part about business is minding your own.
My cellphone is mixing people up (surprise this would only happen to me) So if you get a picture of my left tit..apoligies in advance!!
If it ain't broke, ask it for five dollars.
If somebody ever stole my identity, I'm pretty sure they'd give it right back.
I don't understand the Starbucks ordering language.
Did you know..... your middle toe is a radar detector for chair legs??!
a super hero, with NO powers of motivation.
BREAKING NEWS: Entire Kardashian Family Diagnosed With "Attention Surplus Disorder".
In certain cultures its illegal to look this good
A penny saved is just stupid, honestly what am I gonna get with it. Beside splurging on a tootsie roll.
been spendin' most his life livin' in a gangsta paradise...
Yeah :) ... I like it on Your shoulder ... and don't ever try to tell me to " hold it ! "
hosting a Mayan calendar party on Dec 22, 2012. Disregard this announcement if the world ends on Dec 21, 2012. Also, if the earth's magnetic field does not reverse by then, I'm planning to sponsor a pole flipping contest.
Everyone has that one key on their keyring that they have no idea what it's for.
Warning Labels are ruining process of elimination
If you need time alone, announce that it's time to clean the house.
My parents told me I could be anything I wanted. I've finally decided. . . I want to be 21 again.
Love your enemies, it'll scare the hell out of them 