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Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn't even have a cape. 
*God creating dogs,, GOD: These will be great companions for people... ANGEL: An excellent creation sir... GOD: But better than people.. Just, WAY better... esp. during election season
Childhood is just the ‘free trial’ edition of life. When it ends, you have to pay for the full version or else you’ll lose everything.
I hope that wherever my missing socks end up, they're happy. That's what really matters.
I don't dwell on past mistakes. I have family for that.
Carrie Fisher will forever stake claim on the title of Best Buns.
Life was a lot easier when I believed in Santa Claus. . .
♫ All in all, it’s just a… nother post on my wall. ♫
Tip for next month: Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you'll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals......
Houston we have a ball game
Never think of yourself as worthless. Organs go for a lot of money on the black market.
Ive started reading my boys facebook statuses at night instead of bedtime stories, so they'll understand the importance of an education.....
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when you first dating? Well, after 30 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult,, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
It's all fun and games until someone brings out Monopoly.....
Not sure what it is but the older I get, the smarter my Dad gets....
Sick & Tired of pants and responsibilities.
Love going on brewery tours. It's fun watching drunk people pretend to understand science.
Looking at the serving size of Laughing Cow cheese and I see why the cow is laughing. 