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It must take a lot of self-control to work in a bubble wrap factory. 
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
I learned how to kiss from watching my dog drink from the garden hose.
Leaving some stones unturned is just fine with me.
Happy TR'HUMP' Day!
IKEA employees are just the souls of previous shoppers that couldn't find the exit
Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
Hey I got a novel idea, if it takes 14 days Coronavirus to start showing symptoms how about we all stay at home for 14 days!
Whose got two big strong hands? Asking for a friend on National No Bra day?
Apparently, autocorrect wants me to get my shirt together.
The Lion King is probably my favorite children’s movie about running away from your problems until you’re strong enough to kill your uncle.
Here's a bright idea ..... How about coming up with some Comprehensive Common Sense Terrorist Control instead of the same old talking points?
Hey parents: I haven't seen one medal awarded at the Olympics for participation.
Hmmmmmm ..... One says nasty words ........ The other does Nasty things. I wonder which one would hurt you most.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn't enough...
Game of Thrones, at its core, has always been a show about how much it sucks to be a horse
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won't.
it OK to cut in front of someone wearing all Camouflage?
How to make your own holy water. Step1 take a 2qt pot and fill with water. Step 2 place on burner. Step 3 turn burner on high. Step 4 boil the hell out of the water.
With the gas price so high, it's cheaper to do cocaine and just run everywhere 