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A highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK) is currently going around. If you come in contact with this WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center to take antidotes known 
Google became a teenager today, so prepare yourself for it to become unreliable, moody, and unresponsive to your questions. Happy 13th BDay Google
Hey I like how you do your makeup! Really? Thanks :) Ya do you just dip your face in or use a brush?
Ashton Kutcher replaces Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men.......Sheen's no longer winning is he?
Alcohol, explosives, rednecks, and cops.......hmmm anyone else feeling a country song coming on???
If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.
Normally my dog opens the door with his face, tonight he sat and looked up at me when we got to the door. So I opened it with my face, I can see now why he's not a fan of this method.
Todd Harrell, The bassist for rock band 3 Doors Down has been charged with vehicular homicide by intoxication after he was involved in a crash that killed another driver. Sources say he will be starting a new band called, 3 Cells Down.
internet ad: "are you tired of jerking off?" no
UGHhhh,, Spelling errors agrevated me SO much,,,, Just mix up two letters and your whole post is urined
Tonight, I'm gonna party like I have $19.99.
I'm so glad to see Selena Gomez has finally gone straight!
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn't awesome. THAT would be scary.
He said: Am I the first man to sleep in your bed? She said: Well... if you actually fall asleep then yes.
my wife got mad at me because I ate all six Klondike bars, but it's only obvious that she wasn't willing to do what it took to get one ;)
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He's got a gun!" and then you'll look like a cool hero.
Time to turn this beer into urine...
My life is everything I don't tell you.
There's no premature ejaculation, the truth is that women arrive late everywhere!
I just high-fived a Jedi. Ok, it was an Ewok. Or a midget. I just slapped a kid in the head. Whatever. I wish I knew a Jedi. 