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If Bruce Jenner can win Woman of the Year, I see no reason why Sarah Jessica Parker can't win the Kentucky Derby. Giddy up!!! 
America is so progressive that 8 years after electing their first black President, it's going to elect it's first orange one. I guess Netflix is right, Orange is the New Black.
Olympic track makes you feel like you witnesed a crime, because you hear a gunshot and then see a bunch of black guys hauling ass.
Enters gynecologist's exam room wearing a lab coat and giant foam finger
DENTIST: OK, open up.... Me: Well, I guess it all started when my dad left... DENTIST: No, I mean.... DENTAL ASSISTANT: Wait Bob, Let him finish
"The Carpet Exchange" is not where lesbian swingers meet.
California has the highest rate of Depression and Adultery. It's a sad state of affairs.
You know if you roll down fast and steady enough, it gives the illusion of electric windows.
There is no place like home unless you are homeless...
I just lost my self respect at the Golden Corral.
You know those packets that come in beef jerky to keep it fresh? I just ate one... And it wasnt half bad..
Every time a T.S.A. Agent touchs your junk... the terrorist win.
37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent.
If you thought the Vuvuzelas at South Africa were annoying, wait til you hear the automatic weapons the Russians bring to the World Cup.
a paranoid schitizophrenic, I think I'm following myself.
You boys stay off of my yard, there's no damn milkshakes there!
97% of people would scream if they saw justin bieber about to jump of a sky scraper 3% would sit in a chair with popcorn and yell "do a flip"
Police discovered the body of a local cartoonist this morning. Details are a bit sketchy.
<~ clicks on all the ads to the right on Facebook and marks them ALL offensive, no matter what they are advertising ! Ima rebel like that !
whats dumber than being married to your best friend for facebook purposes?????? 