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Just because you don't approve of the way I live my life, it does not make me wrong, it only makes you judgemental. 
I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!
Only Picasso would have said I look lovely this morning.
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push, except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.~Leonardo Da Vinci
Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could reverse the time and punch the person who made it that way... Me either, I am just saying..
My safe word is blueberry pancakes. Whoops! this isn't MySpace.
Today I have decided to wear my goody-two shoes. Yes, they are uncomfortable and NO, you can not borrow them...
You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. You should write it instead.
fighting crime at the source...i'm donating to Planned Parenthood.
To all those who look down on me; I'm tearin' down your balcony.
You've only got three choices in life: Give up, give in, or give it all you've got.
Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving..
was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when he realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
I've heard that supermarkets waft bakery smells around the store to subconsciously encourage customers to buy bread. I can only guess that my local Costcutter supermarket is trying to encourage its customers to buy toilet rolls.
Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.
trying to think of a new year's resolution that she will remember for the whole year
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
you can't expect dumb people to do smart things
Feel free to kiss my third point of contact.
has lowered his expectations to the point where they've already been met. 