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Today I have decided to wear my goody-two shoes. Yes, they are uncomfortable and NO, you can not borrow them... 
You shouldn't say anything mean about people who can't read. You should write it instead.
fighting crime at the source...i'm donating to Planned Parenthood.
To all those who look down on me; I'm tearin' down your balcony.
You've only got three choices in life: Give up, give in, or give it all you've got.
Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving..
was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when he realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
I've heard that supermarkets waft bakery smells around the store to subconsciously encourage customers to buy bread. I can only guess that my local Costcutter supermarket is trying to encourage its customers to buy toilet rolls.
Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.
trying to think of a new year's resolution that she will remember for the whole year
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
you can't expect dumb people to do smart things
Feel free to kiss my third point of contact.
has lowered his expectations to the point where they've already been met.
I once posed nude for a magazine... but the clerk still asked if I'd be paying with cash or credit.
I totally think that I am following the A-Team's van right now, I am just waiting for things to just explode around us to confirm, this could be epic
Mmm... caffeine pills. The midnight snack of champions
zombie proofing the house today.
When I say, "Hold that thought," it's just a polite way of saying I'm not interested.
I've never seen a shark throw up. That might be something. 