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I have restless leg syndrome and may not be able to stop myself from kicking your ass! 
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
Pretty sure Dora goes on crazy adventures with a monkey because her mom is on Facebook.
A recent survey has said that 29% of pet owners sleep with their pets on the bed......... I tried it once, poor goldfish died :/
I broke up with my gym. We were just not working out.
Dogs are tough. I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.
turns out I don't know the back of my hand as well as I thought I did.
Working on my hurricane prep list. Heineken's, Cigarette's, Red Cross phone number. All done!
I shaved my right leg, just to feel i'm sleeping next to you :) j.G
If you constantly post pics of you and your partner kissing, I am going to give you all the privacy you need...by deleting your ass.
Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real
I think I can hear myself getting fat.
I saw a flying saucer today. It appeared out of nowhere followed right after by the flying cup that my girlfriend threw at me.
every time I see a Buick, I look to see if it's Shaq, but it always some old white guy...
Call me an optimist, but one day I hope to see changes in the Arab world. Like freedom of speech, democracy or someone smiling in public.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I'm the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don't feel trained for this, and I certainly didn't sign up for the position.
Who do atheists thank for Friday?
my underwear is kinda half- assing it today
Do the Chinese realize that when they visit this country, they buy souvenirs made in their country.
Females will stop speakin to their friends over the littlest things, but will forgive the same trifling ass dude a millions times. 