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After reflecting back on the movie Young Guns, I would say Charlie Sheen finally made it to the "spirit world" 
The karaoke guy got cut from American Idol last night...maybe you should be nicer to people...ya prick.
Am I the only once who noticed Michael Jordan has a hitler mustache in the Haines commercials?
One of the high points about me working Sunday mornings...is reading the status updates people post after a night of drinking!
Are you guys really my friends or are you just my facebook friends?"
digesting the fact you've moved onto better things.. LOL JKS you're new boyfriend looks like a retard.
Its a bit awkward when you don't realize how many curse words and sexual innuendos a song has in it until you're in the car listening to it...with your grandma
*Logs onto FaceBook and reads* 5 song lyrics, 2 people telling what they're doing right then at that very moment, 3 stupid pictures of food or funny faces, 4 attempts at a witty remark, 1 truly funny witty remark, and a person who likes 75 pages.
The only Christmas movie I can even remotely relate to is "Bad Santa." And you damn right I want some sandwiches.
Me: Wow everything seems right for once. Life: Hold on let me f*ck it up.
I called out my wife's name during sex and she walked in to see what I needed. Won't do that again.
I think Hotel California was written about Facebook.
Hey blockbuster..theres netflix now we don't need you ...thats what you get for having late charges see yah welcome to the future.!!
I blew up my air mattress and now it's asking for a cigarette.
Mancode violation 83970138- No matter how much of 70's baby or 80's kid you may be, man shall not sing Girls just wanna have fun by Cyndi Lauper
Lil Wayne = 5% black. 95% tattoos.!!
Girls put lots of makeup on....cream..lip gloss...get hair and nails done. Guy's look at them and say,Wow, nice @SS
I asked what she wanted and she said "surprise me". So I did her sister.
Yo Momma is so fat, that when she sat on the iPhone she created the iPad.
"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." 