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I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I'm depressed. 
FYI,, I'm Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad,,, but not suspicious.
I have gotten out of bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And not ONE ab to show for it.
Was JFK killed by a lone gunman or was there a conspiracy? Compelling new evidence proves beyond doubt that it makes no difference at all, he's still dead
Everytime I see a matttress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls..
R.I.P. To my seamonkey Oscar~10-20-84 to 10-26-84. You are missed!
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
just been diagnosed with as serious case of idontgiveacrapitis.
Thought about staying home from work today but then I remembered the thousands of people on welfare are depending on me, I owe I owe its off to work I go.....
Why Is It That People Always Point At Their Wrists When Asking For The Time? Do They Think I Don't Know Where My Watch Is?
George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles
Tip: if you have to put lol in your own status, more than most likely it's not funny.
Why did the girl cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we were at three hours ago.
9 out of 10 men prefer a woman with a big booty, the 10th guy prefers the 9 other men
I live on the corner of Funny Street and Silly Road,in Crazy Town which is in Physco Valley,in a twisted state of mind!
My internet is so slow today that it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
We often fear being rejected so very much that we reject ourselves first before anyone else has the chance.
If you strangle the next person that posts about choking Smurfs....would anyone care?
If you're not ready to die for it, take the word 'freedom' out of your vocabulary. – Malcom X
A boy will ask a girl for her pics without her clothes on. A man will ask a girl for her pics without her makeup on. 