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Though I love and embrace all the cultures of the world, I still have to laugh when the guy at the customer service center in India says "What's up, bro? My name's Dave. How's it going?" 
Bumper stickers from past elections are the tramp stamps of the automobile world.
Everyone is fighting their own battle, to be free from their past, to live in their present and to create their future
Don't worry Hef, Playmates are like buses, another one will come along in 30minutes.
Before You go out with a widow, you must first ask her what killed the husband.
In 2 years, the "situation" will change his name to the "cancellation" followed shortly by the "bankruptcy declaration"
I really hope cell phones aren't bad for us, but I would like the excuse: 'I can't talk right now, because I think you're giving me cancer.'
wondering if the White house will have a going out of business sale?
waiting to see the FB pics from Casey Anthony going out tonight.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they're out of control.
okay! if anyone wishes me "May the 4th be with you!" one more time. He's gonna get a kick up his wookie.
I use to be nice, nice guys finish last, so I did what any smart person would do; I adjusted....
Women are like fine wines; you can try to sell them at auctions, but Liam Neeson will find you, and he will kill you.
I'm not calling you an idiot, but I wouldn't be surprised if you have googled "how to breathe."
I completely admire your talent of sitting on it and talking out of it at the same time...
If the Twilight films have taught us anything it's that werewolves are afraid of shirts.
I really hate this new fb crap. I don't want to see what my friends comment on or like. It takes forever to see anyones status. I didn't sign up for that garbage.
Happy Saturday!!! May the only work you do be piecing together last night's drunk texts.
I have never driven over a bridge and not thought it was about to collapse.
I always bring some wire cutters to parties, just in case someone else brings a guitar. 