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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 23 of 33
If I'm ever in a coma, promise me you'll slip pizza into my IV.
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10-03-2015 10:04 by
flinnie
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.it's almost time for my OBGYN appointment and I haven't even bought a doctor's coat or faked my credentials yet.
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12-19-2011 13:48 by
flinnie
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Want to clear out a room quickly? Start playing muskrat love loudly. You are welcome.
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02-18-2012 06:24 by
flinnie
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I like to think that every time firemen get a call they're like "Yaaay! We get to ride in the truck!" then they laugh & tickle each other
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08-05-2011 23:11 by
flinnie
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I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you're a demon who must be destroyed.
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03-30-2012 10:03 by
flinnie
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Today's a great day to stalk someone you haven't seen since high school and say, "You wrote 'keep in touch' in my yearbook, well here I am!"
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05-12-2012 08:06 by
flinnie
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I don't care if people call you the space cowboy, gangster of love or Maurice. I think you're delusional.
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07-14-2011 18:24 by
flinnie
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If there's anything better than yelling at squirrels, I'd sure like to know what it is.
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10-15-2011 08:04 by
flinnie
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Drawing sunglasses on the sun never really made sense to me.
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12-19-2011 14:20 by
flinnie
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Car alarms would be a lot more effective if they sounded like two people fighting. Everyone would turn their had for that
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12-18-2012 06:05 by
flinnie
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The Men's Warehouse guy is going to die of lung cancer. I guarantee it.
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05-19-2012 07:15 by
flinnie
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When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's called lunar assault & it isn't funny
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02-20-2012 18:41 by
flinnie
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I have a confession to make to all the rappers out there: I waved my hands in the air and I cared a little bit.
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04-28-2012 06:37 by
flinnie
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Harry Potter's movie reinforces one stereotype. That an army of evil is still surprisingly inept at killing the main character
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07-16-2011 20:03 by
flinnie
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I'd like to see the tambourine make a roaring comeback into modern music.
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12-25-2011 18:58 by
flinnie
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If you don't audibly fart when you're getting a security patdown at the airport, the terrorists win.
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11-04-2011 09:10 by
flinnie
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If I were homeless, I'd stand in front of other homeless dudes and hold a sign that says "He's lying."
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11-10-2011 09:49 by
flinnie
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Women have an amazing gift of making you feel wrong for being right.
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02-20-2012 10:46 by
flinnie
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Good lord I'd hate to see what Canadians do if they lose in curling!
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06-16-2011 05:38 by
flinnie
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Your restaurant's policy regarding how the wait staff behaves when it's a customer's birthday tells me whether or not I'll ever eat there again
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07-07-2012 10:25 by
flinnie
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