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Some youths have stolen all the bus stop signs down my road... Where do they get off? 
Fun Fact: Alcohol increases the size of the "send" button by 95%...
Going to Wal-Mart will help build up your immune system for just about everything except Covid-19...
The wife asked me to sell my Hall and Oates collection. I said I can’t go for that, no can do.
I want to hear 99 people sing 'Africa' by Toto. It's something that a hundred men or more could never do.
I wear a mask in public, not only because the vast majority of doctors say it’s safe and an effective way to combat COVID-19, but also to hide my second chin.
Just because school isn't for you, doesn't mean rapping is.
When the dryer buzzer scares you so bad you have to do another load of laundry.
My Ex knows enough to have the Clintons put away . Just putting this out .
The night before the kids go back to school is the grown ups version of Christmas Eve.
I think it's rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands.
Things to do.. #1 dig a hole #2 name it love #3 watch people fall in love
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
The chick at this circus just swallowed a sword and I saw a guy elbow his woman like “see?...”
Service so bad the waitress owes you money
I'm not the one who spent $600 on a first class ticket for my pet rabbit. Blame my wife!!
Losing an argument with your woman? Just tell her "My mom was right about you" to get the upper hand.
I, put commas, in, weird places, so that you, read my jokes, like, William Shatner!
You don't have insomnia, you have a f#cked up sleeping pattern.
Yes, m@sturbation is a pleasant, yet quick diversion. Scratching one's own b@lls however, can provide hours and hours of limitless entertainment. At least that's what my dad says. 