snotty Funny Status Messages

   anybody gonna mention the fact that the Mayans couldn't even predict the Spanish coming?

   Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don't want to attract any attention.

   Oh I'm sorry.. I didn't know it was "bring your feelings to work day".

   And for all of you who are Telepathic...............

   Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???

   Pro Tip ~~ Do not make popcorn in laundromat dryers.. It really affects the flavor.

   Sometimes I wish there was a rollover plan for naps I didn't take when I was a kid

   I use a remote control for my car stereo because,,,,, Well,, You know,,,,, Who would EVER want to lean forward a little bit?...

   I don't know alot about history,,, but I know Marco Polo was definitely the most annoying swimmer of all the famous explorers.

   After 31 free samples,, I decided I wasn't really in the mood for Baskin Robins

   It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.

   I'm old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.

   Things that don't kill bees: 1: furnutire polish 2: Febreeze 3: butter 4: screeming

   I'm sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.

   You gotta go for personality, guys.... They'll ALL look like grandma someday,,

   I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've said it before and I'll say it again.

   I never realized my dog has the same last name as me until I took him to the vet... what are the odds?

   Remember,,, The worst things in life are free, too

   If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.

   I don't like using public restrooms,,,, Mostly because I've seen the public.