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If someone posts "single and ready to mingle" on a public forum, they are single for a reason. 
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of my old bills.
thinks everyone who got up early for the royal wedding is officially out of excuses for not exercising. See, you can find time if you want
Now that Bin Laden is polluting the Arabian Sea, I hear the sharks have declared "Jihad!"
doesn't believe in superstition. It brings bad luck
Wal-Mart stores in California have reached a goal of sending only 20% of their waste to landfills. Of course, the other 80% of their garbage is what they stock on their shelves.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people.
Channel X Is Temporarily Not In Service. Please Tune In To Your Own Life For Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast.
So here we are at the beginning of a new year. After spending this past week reflecting on 2009, I've discovered that I was right 98% of the time, so I'm not really concerned with the other 3% when I was mistaken
some advice for the youngsters on Facebook. You can do anything you want to do in life, unless Jay Leno wants to do it too
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
it's not me or my actions that bug you, it's that you let them bug you.
translating naughty words on google translate.
A recent 100 million dollar study conducted by Harvard University just discovered that running out of money may be the main cause for Bankruptcy.
wonders if a bunch of Shamwows will help clean up the spill in the Gulf
Two girls, one cup.........The Williams sisters at Wimbledon.
If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of it
the grass may be greener on the other side... but it is just as hard to mow.
If we arent meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge?
My preferred answer to the question "Isn't it a bit early to start drinking?" is "It seems a bit late to be sober." 