Funny Status Messages

   We all hold our hand out for help in this life. The goal should be to have your palm down more often than up.

   My psychiatrist prescribed me an odd number of pills for my OCD and I'M THE ONE WHO'S CRAZY?!

   On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.

   My phone just fell down a flight of stairs, but it's ok, it was in my pocket.

   This woman just flipped me off and I couldn't agree more.

   Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd

   When you think your life couldn't be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account.

   I'm posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they're making ceramic bowls.

   The therapist at my bulimia support group asked if I had anything I'd like to bring up. How insensitive can you get!

   I've been taking my Flintstones' vitamins daily, but I still can't start a car with my feet.

   Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light

   Kids today will never know the pain of the Dewey Decimal system and how to catalog library books on index cards.

   I hear birds chirping. Either I'm up way too late or I've banged my head cartoon style.

   All we need to keep us happy - is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done!!!

   I'm HAVING A DINNER party tomorrow,how many boxes of cheerios do I need to feed 8 people ..

   Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.

   "We used all our brainwashing techniques and we still lost" - US Media

   It's usually the ones with the dirtiest hands pointing the fingers.

   I'm so old that I remember when people cared for their country and defended the constitution instead of trashing it and burning it to the ground.

   There's a fine line between crazy & free spiirited and it's usually a prescription.