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FYI - Only seven more shopping days until the apocalypse! Plan your looting accordingly... 
"I don't want to cheat but I'd like to have sex again" ~The Paradox of Marriage
Some people suffered in their youth which helped them succeed later in life. For example, if Bill Gates had gotten l@id in high school, there would have been no Microsoft.
If you're going to give the silent treatment, the least you could do is go on the street and pretend to be a mime. We're kinda broke here.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can't someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
When you mess up a guy's hair, he thinks it's cute, but when you mess up a girl's hair... just hope you're wearing something bulletproof.
My dad worked on the roadwork?s for twenty years before he got fired for stealing! At first I didn't believe it... but when I got home all the signs were there
Today I will celebrate the opening of the Olympic games with my own feat of endurance: sitting at my desk all day...
If my Boobs sag any more people are going to think they are nuts!
Someone cut this gloryhole too big, I can see this guys mustache and it's really throwing my fantasy off
I love morning sex....... Ok I love it anytime.
make sure you spell Harry correct and don't leave out the word "Prince" in your search for Harry Nude pictures....
Sometimes I wish my life was more like a comedy and less like a drama
...Sorry, Christine O'Donnell, you are NOT smarter than a 5th grader. Thank you for playing, please accept these lovely parting gifts, and GTFO.
Republicans have it so rough! The worst part about Republicans looking for a job is if that if they're successful, they end up with a job.
Anyone who makes anymore jokes about 9/11 is boeing straight to hell.
Women; because its not gonna suck itself
Twinkle - Twinkle little slut, name one person you havent f*cked!
Blanket on .. too hot. Blanket off .. too cold, one leg out? PERFECT!
Chicks be talking bout #TeamNoKids after 6 abortions. No bitttch you a serial killer! 