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REAL Americans ..... Stand for the Flag ..... And Kneel for the Fallen ..... Period. 
Mother: Clean your room, family is coming over. Me: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize the gathering would be held in my bedroom.
I can't wait to run out of stuff to say so I can just re-release all my status updates in acoustic version.
I think it is high time Obama gets serious on meteorite control.....
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.
Hugh Hefner would make a great Pope.
Just because it's called make-up... doesn't mean it's supposed to makeup 99% of your face.
How come us regular folks don't have that luxury of choosing how we should be punished for our crimes like Lindsay Logan??
"Just because it's on the Internet doesn't make it true" - Albert Einstein
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Too many Hood guys not enough Good guys.
you are so beautiful that when we are out, people assume I'm dying and you must be from the Make a Wish Foundation.
I don't want to sound ignorant but if I can't understand something... then it's stupid and I hate it.
Thank God It's Monday" ~ Your Liver
My fat next door neighbor is lying face down on her front lawn. Don't know if she's passed out or eating the grass.
At least stevie wonder was faithful, he never saw any other women during his marriage.
Time to diet. Went to the neighborhood pool today and all the women dressed me with their eyes...
I play Tetris. So yeah, I'm a problem solver.
Breaking: Kiss renames their hit song to "Detroit Broke City'.
Broke up with Taylor Swift. Her new song “No I Won’t Do Buttstuff With You and Your Stuffed Penguin” is NOT about me. Repeat, NOT about me. 