bego Funny Status Messages

   Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know how hard life is for the visually impaired.

   Don't talk about yourself so much in front of some friends... they do it when you leave

   Cheated on Facebook with my real life today.

   Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”

   Sometimes “I'm single” means “I'm drama free”, “less stressed” and “I refuse to settle for less.”

   A true friend thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

   Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.

   Life is like a can of whipped cream.....you have to shake things up a little before you get anything out of it.

   When I drop my phone, I act like I've dropped a new born baby.

   Shouldn't you have to pass a urine test to collect a welfare check, since I have to pass one to earn it for you?

   The perfect woman: 1. Beautiful but doesn't let it get to her head. 2. Intelligent without needing to prove it. 3. Funny as hell.

   Why give second chances when there are people waiting for their first?

   [ ] Democratic party [ ] Republican party [x] Pizza party

   Just Unfriended a Facebook Friend on their Birthday… that takes TRUE GRIT!

   Facebook blocked at work. 2012 has come much earlier than anticipated.

   Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom.

   Why do they try to make pet food in TV commercials look good to humans?

   My doctor told me to stop drinking today...then he told me to stop laughing.

   I was the kid that would restart the video game whenever I knew I was going to lose.

   Kanye should’ve interrupted Miley’s performance to say that Beyonce’s as$ would look better in those shorts.