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Sometimes you have to smile... Pretend everything's okay. Hold back the tears, And just walk away. 
pondering the the thought... They say Character is what you do when youre alone! I thought that was called masterba......nevermind!!!
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby."
whats everybody worried about with Gilbert Arenas...its not like he can shoot anymore!
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then-we elected them.
looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it, it's too risky!!
Cool people are just idiots wearing pricy clothes
I really hope I live to see my funeral
I heard Jesse James honored Earth Day yesterday by picking up trash...
I Didn't Marry You Because I Wanted To Live With You.., I Married You Because I Couldn't Live Without You...
If dumping 50,000 barrels of mud on the oil leak fails, BP plans to simply cover the Gulf of Mexico with a large area rug.
got a new toilet brush, I tried it, but I think I'm going to stick with the paper.
I love all of the sexual harassment jokes that everyone says at sexual harassment training.
always look on the bright side. For example, don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
After ten years in therapy, my psychologist told me something very touching, he said, “no hablo ingles.
I can't stand it when someone use's an apostrophe "s" to make a word plural. It drive's me nut's!
going to hide in the wallmart clothes rack and say welcome to narnia
If your birthstone is gravel, you might be a redneck.
Insomnia: Inability to sleep until it is time to get up!
The squirrels are mocking me by doing that spiral-run-up-a-tree thing. They know I wish I could do that and how stupid I look when I try. 