Funny Status Messages

   Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.

   The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word "facial" is used.

   Just received a thank-you card from someone I sent a thank-you card to. Oh, it's on.

   I wish "you dumbass" was an appropriate way to end a work email

   Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.

   New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.

   I hope all you moms out there had a great Mother's Day! (If you're not a mom but would like to be, message me for details)

   If steroids and other performance enhancing drugs are illegal for athletes, shouldn't Photoshop be illegal for models?

   Well that's a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I'm doing

   With great power comes a great electric bill

   I have just painted a blue square on the garden to trick people viewing Google Earth into thinking I have a swimming pool!

   You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That's why I'm happier than you

   The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I'm done picking my nose, I'm gonna smile and wave.

   After 4 crappy cruises,Carnival Cruise Lines should just change their slogan to "Still better than the Titanic!!!"

   My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."

   On the 14th of December I'm going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up.

   I can't wait until next weekend's episode of the best reality show on tv... So You Think You Can Ref...

   I have a bad feeling we're going to pay for Taylor Swift not having a boyfriend on Valentines Day.

   I'm going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn't matter... something's gonna die tonight.

   NEW FACEBOOK GAME: Message me your bank account or credit card number & I will post which bill I paid with it, as my status.