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questioning her invisibility potion 
browsing tube8.com... Haha! I know you will open it.
when I'm right, I'm right. When I'm wrong I could have been right. So I'm right because I could have been wrong!
an animal rights activist against fur but not leather because it's easier to harass rich old ladies instead of motorcycle gangs.
Funny thing about X's they are always followed by Y's
off like a prom dress.
n't it ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies people more than the thought of eternity.
It always get awkward when you're on the elevator with a stranger. Especially after you hug him and tell him you're very lonely.
Best Advice: Say NO to Long-distance relationships...absence may make the heart grow fonder, but it makes the penis wander.
There is no ‘meant to be.' There is only ‘make it be.'
UK Secret Intelligence Service (aka MI6). They have their own website with the usual "About Us", "Our Strategy", Our Values" etc... Sorry, but am I missing something here? :-s
There's something unavoidably attractive about you
While stalking on facebook, everything seems fine until you accidentally like their post from 2009
Yeah, I thought I loved you too... but then I realized I just needed to fart.
The most useless advice in the world: "CHILL OUT"
Justin Bieber probably payed Mayweather to walk next to him.
I'm not good at equations but if you throat punch an a$$hole, it equals karma.
My therapist says the reason I'm not having any sex at all is because I'm married.
I apologize a lot for someone who is always right.
Do people who have wind chimes know that not having wind chimes is also an option 