GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   I am going to change the name of my ipod to "The Ship." That way when I plug it into the computer, it says, "The Ship is syncing."

   I love the three little pigs; Bacon, Ham, and Sausage!

   Guys, when your wife starts a sentence with "when you get a chance", just go ahead and start putting your shoes on. She means now.

   I wonder what the part of my brain, that used to store telephone numbers, is doing nowadays.

   Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and WILL be used against you... So use your right to remain silent!

   Marriage tip #8: Your wife values honesty. So if your wife asks you if her best friend is prettier than her, just say "yes". Your wife will value and appreciate your opinion, and she will love you more for it.

   Marriage tip: If your wife is upset with you, simply tell her that you'll buy her some crayons if she wants to keep acting like a child. After hearing this, she will immediately reflect on her behavior and calm down.

   Marriage tip: Ladies, when you're arguing with your spouse, just remind them "one of us is right, and the other one is YOU".

   I wish Santa would just dump 100ft of coal around Biden and Nancy Pelosi's house.

   90% of all electrical vehicles are still on the road today. The other 10% made it all the way home.

   Dear Santa: Either you give me what I want for Christmas or I'll turn Rudolph and Comet into a piece of deer jerky. Make it happen, fat man!

   Marriage tip: When you're away from your wife for a night, ignore all of her phone calls. This will cause her to miss you more while you're gone so that she'll love you more when you're home.

   ATTENTION EVERYONE: I have an announcement to make. Santa just confirmed that I have been very good this year!

   Marriage tip: Women are naturally bad drivers. So, never ever let your wife drive the car. You, as the alpha Male of your household, should stay in the driver's seat and take your family where they need to go safely.

   I'm not turning my clock back an hour on Nov 1st because seriously none of us need an extra hour of 2023.

   The three stages of life: Wanting stuff... Accumulating stuff... Getting rid of stuff.

   Wondering how can I get my wife the perfect Valentines gift when she already has me.

   The world would be a much better place if everyone grew vegetables instead of electing them.

   Why do I have to grow up? ..Isn't it enough that I've learned how to behave in public?

   Marriage tip: Ladies, keep your husband on his toes by randomly asking him "Are you listening to me?" That way you always have his full attention.