deithy Funny Status Messages

   has just read his wife's magazines and there seems to be two topics of major importance to women: .1) Why men are such disgusting pigs and .2) How to attract a man!

   thinks Santa is a judgemental twat who bears a grudge. I've explained the Elves incident a hundred times now. So what if I was caught naked with one of his helpers in a cupboard, it was all an innocent mistake!

   has found an artificial leg on a bus and is going to give it to his wife as a Xmas present. It should make the ideal stocking filler!

   MERRY XMAS EVERYONE (Yes I know it's a bit early, but I thought I'd start with you miserable and argumentative plebs first!)

   went to the bookshop today to get a book about conspiracies. Guess what, there were none there. Coincidence?

   remembers a time when 'Binge Drinking' was simply called 'Getting Pissed'

   was surprised to find a Christmas present from last year while getting the decorations out. The kids were all excited as I opened the box. What a pity it was a dead puppy

   looking forward to the family tradition of listening to the UK's No 1 after Xmas dinner. Can't wait to see the look on my mum's face!

   eating Babybels at this special time of year. After all, Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without the baby cheeses.

   determined to break into the Porn Industry in 2010. I'm not going to listen this time to anyone who says I'm over qualified!

   SHOPPERS: Bored with writing lists for that weekly shop? Simply find discarded lists in trolleys/baskets, and use them! Its spiced up my life.....

   has a message to all Gingers. Let Raoul Moat be a lesson. We will find you and make it look like suicide!

   purchased his own Taser off the internet yesterday. In a totally unconnected incident, I've got to buy a cat to replace the neighbour's one this afternoon (and it must be identical looking)........

   wants to know: if you went to bed with a schizophrenic, would it count as a threesome? Just asking.....