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Vito Funny Status Messages
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Walked by A Maternity Clothes Store today and there was a "Please Come Inside" sign on the door. Duh, Why do you think they need Maternity Clothes
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12-14-2009 00:52 by
Vito
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I just accidentally dropped a bowling ball on my bed and my wine glass fell over. I wish I had Tempur-pedic bed
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12-22-2009 23:08 by
Vito
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Help! My Chia Pet is sick and I'm not sure if I should bring it to the Vet or the Florist?
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01-07-2010 23:40 by
Vito
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I think I need to start doing pullups to get more of the ladies attention. Pull up in a Benz, Pull up in a Vette, Pull up in a Beamer....
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01-08-2010 10:26 by
Vito
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I just busted my Gold Fish smoking seaweed. No wonder he was always hungry and paranoid.
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01-10-2010 00:35 by
Vito
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Yo Mama is so fat! She uses an iPad as an iPhone.
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01-27-2010 22:37 by
Vito
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Every day is Fat Tuesday for me because I'm Fat =(
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02-16-2010 18:53 by
Vito
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Drinking Heinekin Light and Eating Fat Free Doritos. Gotta get ready for beach season!
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02-21-2010 18:52 by
Vito
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If my neighbors dont tone it down a little bit, I am going to have to change my WiFi network name to "I can hear you having sex".
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03-04-2010 00:08 by
Vito
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Hoarders is on tonite. I like that show because it makes me feel like I'm tidy
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03-08-2010 21:23 by
Vito
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Heading out to do laundry with a roll of quarters in my pocket. I hope I dont run into anyone I am happy to see.
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03-08-2010 21:53 by
Vito
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I just bumped into a guy wearing a camouflage jacket. I really didn't see him.
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03-09-2010 13:09 by
Vito
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I just told a lie and now my pants feel warm. I hope they dont catch fire!
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03-10-2010 15:15 by
Vito
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So it turns out that "The Love Shack" does, indeed, turn up on your bank statement.
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03-25-2010 00:29 by
Vito
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A horse told me not to drive home last night.I think there was a cop on top of it.
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04-02-2010 13:13 by
Vito
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I cut myself shaving this morning. Now I'm walking with a limp.
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04-12-2010 15:53 by
Vito
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I can't wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
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04-17-2010 17:43 by
Vito
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I'm addicted to cold turkey and I don't know how to quit it.
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04-17-2010 23:32 by
Vito
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What's the right age to tell a highway he was adopted? Wont be long til he realizes he doesn't look anything like me
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04-18-2010 13:54 by
Vito
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I just realized I make the same noises when I eat pizza that I do during my "happy time"
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04-23-2010 11:18 by
Vito
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